I’m not going to be a total Debbie Downer, but I can’t let this day go by and not acknowledge that it is the day I convinced my mother to go into the hospital after a fall down the stairs. She had been in bed for the week with “the flu” but we were afraid she had had a stroke. Well – she never came home. Sadly, she died 10 weeks later. 10 weeks of agony with no diagnosis and incompetent medical care. The doctors asked for an autopsy bc they had no idea what killed her. Turns out God just didn’t want them to find the cancer that invaded every organ and every gland…her brain… her spinal cord. Her soul.
I was 22 and a single parent. She was 49 and my whole life. Just gone.
I’m now 53. 3 kids, 2 grandkids, and a full life. She gave me so much. I miss her all the time and wish she could see my kids – my angels. I know most people feel this way about their lost parents. I’m not unique.
So, on to the good stuff. I am grateful that I had 22 years with a woman who taught me acceptance, passion, integrity, unconditional love, authenticity, and persistence…ok stubbornness; I am grateful to have had a wonderful model to show me how to be the mother I wanted to be; I am grateful for the perfectly imperfect world in which I live and learn grace daily. #gratitude #3things #choosejoy #restinpeacebigA
Today I am grateful to find peace where I once was troubled; today I am grateful to be settling into my new home – purchased by me and no one else; today I am grateful for all of the women who came before me that made it possible for me to get a mortgage without the signature of a spouse or a father. #choosejoy #3things #gratitude #empowered
So, day 1 I got sinus surgery and it’s a 3-5 day recovery with 2 weeks of no strenuous activity. I did this over spring break so as not to miss more time in my classroom since the repeated sinus infections that knocked me out so bad doc gave me a Covid test every time, kept me from my job on multiple occasions. Then I got Covid!!! So it’s been a very rough school year.
So here is my list of gratitude I am grateful for the surgeon and health care professionals that did an amazing job of calming my nerves, healing my pain, and giving me tender and full attention. Special shout-out to Chris, the recovery nurse that was generous with the pain meds but more importantly, started singing I am woman…how did she know?
I am grateful to have people to surround me with their love and care as I recover at home.
I am grateful that I call tell the pressure behind my eyes – the one that made them feel like they would just explode out of my face – well, it’s gone. Praise God.
On another note…
I was called selfish and a bad teacher this week by another teacher. I was told I lacked commitment to my students and criticized how much school I had missed, my lessons and instruction. Although she has never been in my room. Nonetheless, it really hurt my feelings. She is a friend. No conversation, no asking me if I’m ok or why my absences have been so many. (See sinus story above).
Hmmmm chronic illness… Choosing to take care of my physical, or mental health for that matter, is not selfish. It’s called self-care.
I have accepted that she was having a bad day, is overwhelmed by her job, and chose to lash out at me. Perhaps even something personal going on as well. Teaching is hard and very demanding and we tend to ignore our own needs ALL THE TIME. So I repeat, self care is not selfish.
Basically? We had a misscommunication as I failed to receive information about a student. That prompted the unprofessional email. Anyway – I’m disappointed she was not made to apologize or did not do it on her own accord – as she also sent this to 2 administrators. I was told it was handled and now it’s a personnel issue and they can’t tell me anything. They printed my email of concern and put it in the file of this incident Total cop out.
I don’t want to reply to her attack in kind. I thought about bringing her flowers and just saying – something is clearly upsetting your life and I hope whatever it is gets better for you .. and give her the flowers. Be the bigger person and give her. Chance to apologize. She’s a teacher – she’s under too much stress – she snapped and had a target that morning and unfortunately it was me. I can empathize. But I can’t accept the personal attack. Standing up for yourself is a part of self care. I cannot let it go unnoticed. She is my friend. This could be just what SHE needs.
I am grateful that I have grown is gratitude, grace, and peace and I hope to continue to help others grow as well. You are never alone. Ask for help. Reach out – someone will reach back.
Have a great day everyone. And be kind to one another. You never know what their struggles are.
“February has an r after the b!?” Man I love teaching Juniors. They never cease to amaze me. For this I am grateful; I had a meeting of the minds tonight with some amazing folks – so grateful for the experience, strength, and hope of others; I am eternally grateful that my mother taught me that no matter how terrible another human being may seem to be to just kill’em with kindness. I remembered this today. And I did just that – a great big smile, and a great big wave out the open car window. I mean it was a beautiful day. The whole thing was quite perfect, almost like a movie. He waved back and then realized it was me…then pretended he wasn’t waving but fixing his visor. Oh the drama.
It really made me happy, made me feel strong and healthy and good. Thanks Big A.
Today’s 3 things: I am grateful for the people in my life who remind me of my value and my strength when I forget; I am grateful that I am learning how to let go of things I cannot control; I am grateful to be so lucky to have two darling little angels that call me Mammaw. I spent the weekend with them and they definitely filled my love bucket. The giggles- oh the giggles. #choosejoy #3things #gratitude
It has been 6 days since I wrote them down, my 3 things of gratitude. This has been a difficult time, and I know it can be for many. Ahhhh…The holidays (deep breath). When it comes time for the kids to start having their own celebrations and their own families – their own lives…well it takes some getting used to, in general. Then the holidays come and it’s magnified 100x somehow. It’s hard for this mama bird to find her place. Throw in the other challenges of life and I’ve kind of started spinning out of control. The 3 things can usually keep this stuff in check for me, but the last few days I dropped the ball – went deep inside my head and heart to try and find my path again. I think I did it, thanks to my children and the rest of my people. My peeps…all of the different people around me, all in different roles in my life – supporting me and encouraging me. I am centered again.
So here we go. Today I am grateful for the time I spent outdoors at the park with my friend discussing some of life’s challenges. It felt so good to be outside; today I am grateful for the yoga instructor who gently got me through my first hour of yoga since Covid began – stretching, bending, breathing. It felt so good. Namaste; today I am grateful for grit – pure determination and moxy. Damn right. #3things #choosejoy #gratitude
The last few years have been a roller coaster ride of emotions. I am told regularly that it is to be expected. Yet, when the spiral turn comes, or the dark never-ending tunnel – or even the abrupt stop…it seems like anything but what I expect. I spoke to a colleague today who I consider a friend after a few years of working together. Very supportive. I was so grateful to see him today and talk with him for a bit. His light is bright. His enthusiasm for my spirit touched me; I am grateful for food service workers because I love to eat out; I am grateful for the red Christmas sheets on my bed and the giant red Buffalo print pillow that says “let it snow”…although we know it’s not too likely. #choosejoy #3things #gratitude #ilovechristmasred
Monday – I am grateful for new beginnings; I am grateful for my capacity to love and forgive others; I am glad to be learning that if you don’t like me that’s not really my problem..I will no longer make myself small or dim my light. Although I still have to remind myself of this regularly I am oh so grateful that it is a part of my inner dialogue now. #choosejoy #gratitude #3things #killthemwithkindness
Last night I was distracted from my posting of 3 things but what’s funny is I was racking up the gratitude all day. Not that it was a particularly great day from an outside viewpoint, but I was able to really focus on the good things and not the little annoyances (both people and events) that permeated the day. I am grateful for the massage therapist that brings me relief from my physical pain; I am grateful on any day I get to speak with all 3 of my children and know they are doing well; but on this early morning post I am most most most grateful that I know that my light is very, very bright and that it’s just not for everyone…and that’s okay. I will shine on, my friends, I WILL SHINE ON! I will never allow another soul to ever dim it again. Ever. Seriously- it’s quite bright. Have a wonderful weekend – get some fresh air! #choosejoy #gratitude #3things
I am grateful for the annual leave days that I am able to use however I see fit. I saw fit today; I am grateful for the love and compassion of those who I now surround myself with – I encourage you all to eliminate toxic people from your lives. Time is too precious; I am grateful for teachers of all kinds who have helped me on my journey through life. #choosejoy #3things #gratitude