This weekend I watched my friend of 23 years say goodby to her husband within 10 days of a cancer diagnosis. Total shock.
Experience, strength, and hope – these are the 3 things I am grateful for tonight as I put my head on my pillow, because they are what my friends, what my people, offer me to hold me up. And it’s usually provided with a bucket of faith. I am grateful for my health and my healing so that I can, in turn, hold up others.
Today. Hmmmm – today the Lord gave me breath and pushed me out of my bed. I am grateful. Today I had food to eat for breakfast and a car to drive to a job (after a hot shower and fresh clean clothes attained) I am grateful. Today my feelings were hurt. It’s was shocking and made me hide in the corner so as not to show my tears. I am grateful for the friend that stood and listened and the other friend who offered a hug – not because she heard us talking but because she could tell I was upset and she cares about me. I am grateful. I listened to a play with students who don’t like to read aloud. I am grateful for the actors who recorded the words. I went to my second job after a faculty meeting and I was grateful to have a colleague inquire as to my health and day, rather than just walk by saying nothing. I am grateful. I did my job and was told thank you for being here and I heard the genuine gratitude in her voice. I am grateful. I got to enjoy a lovely dinner out with a lovely friend who shares many experiences with me. I am grateful God allowed us to find one another in all this chaos. My son called me. I am grateful. My daughter called me. I am grateful. I worry about the person who hurt my feelings today, who lashed out irrationally and unprovoked. I will pray for her tonight and I am grateful that it is my choice to decide how this will affect me. Don’t get me wrong, it hurts and it ruined my day because until now I thought this person was my friend. I believe she still is but perhaps needs some grace and prayer. I am grateful that I have the power and strength to give her mine, my grace and prayer. I’m in my bed now. I’m grateful for the comfort of my pillow for it has been a difficult and long day. I am grateful for my life. For my mistakes. For my loves. For my losses. For my wins – I am grateful for me. Finally, I am grateful for the medicine I take at night that keeps me healthy. This world is so crazy – speak your gratitude.
Today’s 3 things: I am grateful it is Friday and am still alive – what a week; I am trying so hard to be grateful for the patience Hod is trying to teach me…I learned yesterday my final order will be at least another 2-3 weeks. He’s trying to show me how to let go and let Him and I am really, really, really trying. seriously; I am grateful for my brain. I often rely on my intellect when I should rely on my spirituality but I am still grateful for brain that God gave me!
I have been really trying to focus on my mental health and healthy thoughts these past few weeks. It has been a real challenge. Hence – no daily posts.
I went to court on Feb 3rd and 4th after trying to negotiate my divorce for 2 and a half years with a person who lives in his own reality. That’s all I’ll say about him now – you’ll have to buy the book. I did not know the judge would take so long to make the final order…we are still waiting. Sooooo long.
“Beware the Ides of March” from Julius Caesar is in my head today. For those who don’t know – it’s when he is betrayed and stabbed to death. No, I don’t expect to be stabbed today – but I have already been betrayed, so there’s that.
It’s just that waiting for weeks upon weeks for a simple email to finally show up to officially end my 30 year relationship with a man I loved who stopped speaking to me even before I ever chose to leave for reasons I will never know or understand….well, it’s torturous. I don’t wish it on anyone. I truly wish the replay button in my head would malfunction.
Still, in my confusion and angst today I try to find my 3 things: I am grateful for all that I have and for God’s daily blessings. He is providing me with all that I need to heal – especially faith; I am grateful for my children and grand children – family and love – it’s why we are on this earth. I am sorry my husband could not see that; I am grateful that I am beginning to see my true potential. As I mentioned yesterday – it’s amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t have someone always telling you that you can’t, making you feel less than so he can feel more than. Just amazing.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and find joy and love with and in those around you. Support the ones you love and give lots of hugs….don’t ever be the first one to let go – fill their love bucket! They will let go once it’s filled. ❤️
February 28, 2022 – I am grateful that today I felt energized after work for, probably, the first time in 2022. I have been sick or just run down all of 2022 so far. So, today was a good day – serene – and the weather was nice enough, too for a long silent walk. Ahhhh; I am grateful today for God knowing who to put in my path and exactly when to do it. Blessed are the angels; I am grateful for the excitement on the faces of former students when they see me unexpectedly out in the world. It’s fun. Thank you for this day.
The day before it all goes down. The next 2 days I will be in a court room with my husband to cut the final threads of a 30 year trauma bond. It’s been almost a 2.5 year brutal journey. Tonight I am grateful that I spent the last 3 years learning how to turn my will over to my higher power because I truly am powerless over an alcoholic/addict. I thought I had learned that a long time ago, but I guess I forgot. Tonight I will rest well; I am grateful for the amazing people who surround me as I continue recovering from emotional and mental abuse. Tonight I will sleep well; but I am most grateful today that by dear friend, Bon Bon, did not suffer terribly through her recent bone biopsy. Tonight I will sleep well. Please pray for full remission for my dear friend. #choosejoy #gratitude #3things #moveforwardwithpurpose #justbringthetruth #iamenough
Today’s 3 things: I am grateful for the people in my life who remind me of my value and my strength when I forget; I am grateful that I am learning how to let go of things I cannot control; I am grateful to be so lucky to have two darling little angels that call me Mammaw. I spent the weekend with them and they definitely filled my love bucket. The giggles- oh the giggles. #choosejoy #3things #gratitude
I am so exhausted. A long week has ended. The next week will be longer, but that’s okay. I am grateful for my stamina and stubborn streak when I refuse to give up. Some may consider these character flaws and sometimes I feel that, too – but right now they are helping me survive, so there’s that; I am grateful for the chicken I burned for dinner. No, I didn’t mean to burn it but I was distracted by one of those other things I had to do and forgot about it in the oven. But I still have food – I mean, it’s edible; I will be very grateful for the third wind I soon get so that I can finish preparing my dinner and actually eat (I already used up the second wind). I have faith it will come. I figured I should go ahead and write out my gratitudes because when I do get that last push of energy to eat it will immediately be followed by placing my head gently on my pillow. Sweet dreams everyone!! #choosejoy #gratitide #3things
January 21, 2022 – Brrr it’s cold out there! In South Carolina we don’t often get that biting cold wind that takes your breath away when you step outside. I felt it today, boy. Brrrrrr. The moment I felt it was immediately grateful for the warm home I had just stepped out of and the warm car I immediately climbed into. My heart aches for the homeless or for those who cannot afford to properly heat their homes. I will say extra prayers for them tonight; I am grateful for the technology that allows us to have eLearning days with out students; I am grateful for the clear chest x-ray today – so grateful for good health (even when I don’t feel great). Find the joy around you every day…#gratitude #3things #choosejoy
Today I am grateful for my mother – she loved like no other. Oh how I wish she could have met my children and now, my grandchildren; I am grateful for comedians. I love to laugh and they can always make me feel better; I am grateful for this break we have had and I’m ready for tomorrow. #3things #choosejoy #gratitude