I am grateful that when I tore my ACL abroad that I did not break anything else the multiple times I fell as I continued to walk 5-7 miles a day. I tore it on the plane ride over, but when school starts it will be because… I tore my ACL in the Alps. Seriously – sidestepping my way to the window seat is just too… sad.
I am grateful for the support I had during that trip and here at home during surgery and this past week of recovery. A positive environment helps the healing and so far my healing has been awesome. Thank you.
I am grateful for grace and forgiveness. I will be even more grateful when I learn to give both to myself consistently, but I’m afraid I am still a work in progress in this area. So wonderful that others have mastered it and can teach me. I practice, but it’s very hard. It’s so easy to give to others but not to myself. I know I am not alone in this particular battle and struggle for growth as so many of us are so hard on ourselves. Still, I go to bed tonight with a grateful heart knowing that today I tried to be the best person I know how to be, that God loves me, and that my light still shines bright.
So, my to do list for summer 2022 remains with many items yet to be done. I shall use this as a challenge to myself to try to maintain some balance in my life as a teacher. You see my to do list was not filled with chores, but with adventures and new things to try. I don’t have to wait until summer 2023 – and for that I am grateful.
So, day 1 I got sinus surgery and it’s a 3-5 day recovery with 2 weeks of no strenuous activity. I did this over spring break so as not to miss more time in my classroom since the repeated sinus infections that knocked me out so bad doc gave me a Covid test every time, kept me from my job on multiple occasions. Then I got Covid!!! So it’s been a very rough school year.
So here is my list of gratitude I am grateful for the surgeon and health care professionals that did an amazing job of calming my nerves, healing my pain, and giving me tender and full attention. Special shout-out to Chris, the recovery nurse that was generous with the pain meds but more importantly, started singing I am woman…how did she know?
I am grateful to have people to surround me with their love and care as I recover at home.
I am grateful that I call tell the pressure behind my eyes – the one that made them feel like they would just explode out of my face – well, it’s gone. Praise God.
On another note…
I was called selfish and a bad teacher this week by another teacher. I was told I lacked commitment to my students and criticized how much school I had missed, my lessons and instruction. Although she has never been in my room. Nonetheless, it really hurt my feelings. She is a friend. No conversation, no asking me if I’m ok or why my absences have been so many. (See sinus story above).
Hmmmm chronic illness… Choosing to take care of my physical, or mental health for that matter, is not selfish. It’s called self-care.
I have accepted that she was having a bad day, is overwhelmed by her job, and chose to lash out at me. Perhaps even something personal going on as well. Teaching is hard and very demanding and we tend to ignore our own needs ALL THE TIME. So I repeat, self care is not selfish.
Basically? We had a misscommunication as I failed to receive information about a student. That prompted the unprofessional email. Anyway – I’m disappointed she was not made to apologize or did not do it on her own accord – as she also sent this to 2 administrators. I was told it was handled and now it’s a personnel issue and they can’t tell me anything. They printed my email of concern and put it in the file of this incident Total cop out.
I don’t want to reply to her attack in kind. I thought about bringing her flowers and just saying – something is clearly upsetting your life and I hope whatever it is gets better for you .. and give her the flowers. Be the bigger person and give her. Chance to apologize. She’s a teacher – she’s under too much stress – she snapped and had a target that morning and unfortunately it was me. I can empathize. But I can’t accept the personal attack. Standing up for yourself is a part of self care. I cannot let it go unnoticed. She is my friend. This could be just what SHE needs.
I am grateful that I have grown is gratitude, grace, and peace and I hope to continue to help others grow as well. You are never alone. Ask for help. Reach out – someone will reach back.
Have a great day everyone. And be kind to one another. You never know what their struggles are.
Today I am attending the funeral of my childhood friend, Dave. Much like a brother, Dave would taunt me relentlessly. He would laugh with me and joke around. He would often threaten to beat up misbehaving boyfriends or anyone that made me upset. When Dave smiled his whole face smiled and his chuckle infected everyone around him until they, themselves joined in the laughter. Dave was the first boy to ask me to marry him. He would tell me that all he needs is a good woman and he would straighten up and do right. I suspect he slung his arm around many a young lady and professed the same. That was Dave – but it was nice.
I have known loss in my life. Great loss, in fact. My mother, Grandparents, my mother – students and former students, my mother, other relatives and acquaintances – did I mention my mother? But this one begins a new chapter for me – this is my first real friend to go to the grave. It hurts and confuses me greatly in unexpected ways. Of course it hurts. But the unexpected confusion compounds the impact of the loss.
Dave died at 49. 49…my mom died when she was 49. This age – this fact affects me and I do not understand why. Maybe my being here has nothing to do with Dave at all, but with the loss of my mother. I remember him playfully hitting on her, too.
Even though he remained one of my bother’s best friends, I have not seen Dave in over a decade. But his life so touched mine during our youth that it seems as if he just left my house. I regret not visiting Dave in the last days of his life. It seems ridiculous to make the trip for the funeral now, but not for the life last week. Selfish, too, I suppose. I could not bare to see him in any other fashion than what is pictured above. Healthy, smiling, happy. Surprisingly, his death brought me back to my hometown. I moved from this town shortly after my mother’s death in 1993 and have not really been back since then. The rest of my family lives elsewhere so there really has not been a reason to return. Until now. I imagine Dave’s family will be a bit confused to see me and not my brothers. I need them to know what he meant to me. I need them to know it, and I need to say it. I feel the loss.