classroom – fields of poppies

The end of an era, a bit of acceptance, and a new beginning.

March 23, 2023

This past weekend I finally removed the remnant pieces of my once-amazing classroom. Covid-19 forced the teachers to remove all non-standard seating in our high school and go back to boring, impersonal, 100-year-old rows of desks. I kept the items of comfortable seating in a room close to mine that was once a place where teachers could eat lunch together. I had no other choice at the time. But, I held on to it all until now just hoping to make it back there one day. Sadly, the pieces have scattered and broken down in storage and I just don’t have it in me to go backward.

So, I finally got the gumption to commit to this idea of moving forward and removing all the old wooden pieces that we made together. I pulled up in a pickup on Sunday and loaded it all up.

It has been a difficult transition since the end of 2019 and the start of 2020 for me; the death of my father, an empty nest, 3 graduations, a new son-in-law, 2 new grandchildren, a devastating divorce, the loss of my home, 3 moves, 4 surgeries, a new house, oh yea – and COVID. (Not a comprehensive list, but rather rock solid overwhelming I would say.) Ridding my space of these old artifacts seemed like somewhat of a cleansing of all of that baggage, even if I do miss the old classroom.

Funny, I got through those years with a phrase from my mother’s dear friend, “just move forward with purpose. That’s all you can do.” And I did. And I do, now.

So, I come back to my classroom, day after day, and I still have so much that makes my room special to me – that makes it comfortable and inviting for my students; a place where they want to be. And today, as cheesy as it is, I still smiled at the boy who told me that I am what makes my classroom special. He’s right. I am. (Thank you for that, young man.)

Healing is hard work: surviving, recovering; letting go of dreams, ideals, and of actual things. Hard, hard work. It’s purposeful and mindful. It is hard, but it is good. I, am good.

I am grateful that my students remind me every day of my purpose, my value, and my direction. And I am mindful of that gratitude I carry in my heart, always.

In closing, my 3thing are: I am grateful for the end of an era; a bit of acceptance; and a new beginning. Thanks for reading.

I did not start this post thinking about it this way, but now that I am done I thought I would share with you the shirt that I created and sell on my new Etsy t-shirt shop, Char’s Heart. It’s part of that new beginning of which I spoke.

This is one of the shirts I made inspired by my experiences. Browse my shop. Every shirt has a story, however brief they may be. Thank you, again, for reading.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/charsheart

www.fieldsofpoppies.org

3 thing April 12 – 2nd day of spring break – I’d rather be at the beach!!

So, day 1 I got sinus surgery and it’s a 3-5 day recovery with 2 weeks of no strenuous activity. I did this over spring break so as not to miss more time in my classroom since the repeated sinus infections that knocked me out so bad doc gave me a Covid test every time, kept me from my job on multiple occasions. Then I got Covid!!! So it’s been a very rough school year.

So here is my list of gratitude I am grateful for the surgeon and health care professionals that did an amazing job of calming my nerves, healing my pain, and giving me tender and full attention. Special shout-out to Chris, the recovery nurse that was generous with the pain meds but more importantly, started singing I am woman…how did she know?

I am grateful to have people to surround me with their love and care as I recover at home.

I am grateful that I call tell the pressure behind my eyes – the one that made them feel like they would just explode out of my face – well, it’s gone. Praise God.

On another note…

I was called selfish and a bad teacher this week by another teacher. I was told I lacked commitment to my students and criticized how much school I had missed, my lessons and instruction. Although she has never been in my room. Nonetheless, it really hurt my feelings. She is a friend. No conversation, no asking me if I’m ok or why my absences have been so many. (See sinus story above).

Hmmmm chronic illness… Choosing to take care of my physical, or mental health for that matter, is not selfish. It’s called self-care.

I have accepted that she was having a bad day, is overwhelmed by her job, and chose to lash out at me. Perhaps even something personal going on as well. Teaching is hard and very demanding and we tend to ignore our own needs ALL THE TIME. So I repeat, self care is not selfish.

Basically? We had a misscommunication as I failed to receive information about a student. That prompted the unprofessional email. Anyway – I’m disappointed she was not made to apologize or did not do it on her own accord – as she also sent this to 2 administrators. I was told it was handled and now it’s a personnel issue and they can’t tell me anything. They printed my email of concern and put it in the file of this incident Total cop out.

I don’t want to reply to her attack in kind. I thought about bringing her flowers and just saying – something is clearly upsetting your life and I hope whatever it is gets better for you .. and give her the flowers. Be the bigger person and give her. Chance to apologize. She’s a teacher – she’s under too much stress – she snapped and had a target that morning and unfortunately it was me. I can empathize. But I can’t accept the personal attack. Standing up for yourself is a part of self care. I cannot let it go unnoticed. She is my friend. This could be just what SHE needs.

I am grateful that I have grown is gratitude, grace, and peace and I hope to continue to help others grow as well. You are never alone. Ask for help. Reach out – someone will reach back.

Have a great day everyone. And be kind to one another. You never know what their struggles are.

#gratitude #3things #choosejoy #selfcare #bekind

a good day

I know many details have been left out as I sit exhausted at this computer tonight. That young man, the one I helped so many years ago – helped me tonight.

I woke up this morning and made it to duty sort of on time.

As I monitored the progress of my 1st period class and that of the 3 the day before I realized that not one student had managed to turn in the day’s assignment correctly or completely. Partly due to tech glitches, but MOSTLY due to the refusal to read directions, the inability to follow directions, and the ridiculous notion that if the answer requires thought then it remains beyond their reach.

Moving on to 3rd period this morning, a student walked into my classroom, threw is Chromebook on my desk and said “You were my favorite teacher” and as he turned and made it halfway out the door he shouted “I’m dropping out!!!!” Then he slammed the door as hard as he could. I tried to cut him off in the parking lot only to run into the administrators also hot on his trail. I had to return to the students in my room (well, at the door watching every step I took). They wrangled him back inside. My principal later informed me that they talked him off the ledge and he will, in fact, be returning. Whew.

During lunch I covered a class for another teacher a watched one student cheat shamelessly on a test, while the others in the room poured their hearts and souls into the assessment. (Deep cleansing breath).

During the rest of planning I had to type up all the problems technology gave me the last two days and beg for a solution. Tomorrow we will be reading from a textbook.

During the last class of the day I had the occasion to sit a student down in front of me to tell her that she is the reason I come to school every day – A wonderful project of our librarian. She recorded it. The student cried – and told me that I’m cheesy. I loved it.

Also during that class we had to start off very harshly, as students have NOT been hitting deadlines for our yearbook publication. 100 emails and problems to address. Finally, tech support showed up – God bless her at 3pm on a Friday afternoon, still chugging away to make my technology work for my students.

By the end of that class we were dancing, celebrating small victories of the day and embracing the weekend ahead. Well, not the tech person – she continued to chug.

After school I sat in on a meeting of our student group that tries to bring coexistence to our school. Their struggles are real.

Tonight at dinner I ran into a former student. As my husband and I sat at table next him. He looked familiar at first glance, but when I saw his smile all the memories from his 9th grade year came flooding back – everything but his name. Ugh – I wish I could remember their names, especially when they weigh so heavy on my heart sometimes. Of course later when he said it – I could not believe I could have ever forgotten it. This young man had the kind of smile that made his whole face shine and you couldn’t help but smile back. A young man filled with talent, charm, and whole lot of teenage angst. That angst got him into some trouble that the charm could not get him out of, so he ended up going to another school and he was gone from our lives…like so many students that touch our hearts. When I approached him at the checkout, it took a moment but then the recognition shocked across his face. “Mrs. Bertram!!” He looked healthy and happy and shared his excitement about his future. Man, that made my day.

I know many details have been left out as I sit exhausted at this computer tonight. That young man, the one I helped so many years ago – helped me tonight. In fact, I think it is pretty safe to say that he inspired today’s post. It’s the first time I have posted in over a year, I think. I’ve been stuck. Stuck in it all. I am finding my way out. If you write you know what a big deal that is; and if you don’t write – you’ll have to trust me. When an individual can get you over a year long writer’s block – it’s a very big deal. Thank you, young man.

It was a good day.

Dear New Teachers:

Dear new teachers,

We need you. This difficult job will reward you in many ways. Please stick with it, even when you want to quit – it does get easier. Well, not easier, but you figure out how to be better at it and find balance. Our nation faces a crisis in the classroom. We need good teachers, like you. Compassionate, giving, selfless, hard-working. Go next door, to the next classroom and ask for help. If you mistakenly entered the wrong room, the room where that negative energy resides – just go to the next door and keep going until you find the support that you need. Do not try to do it on your own. Also, make yourself leave on time and do not take work home with you. It will get done. I promise.

We have all been there – have all felt overwhelmed and wanted to throw in the towel. Keep at it. You are valued. You are needed. You are our future.

Sincerely,

the nation

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Simply, love the child.

So, as District Teacher of the Year (DTOY) I was given several opportunities to address all the teachers in the district. This particular occasion was the summer institute – the 2 first days of summer for the kids. Every year these are optional staff development days immediately following the end of the school year. Well, the second one is optional, and the first is required. On one hand, the training provided can allow us to prepare for the following year with the new information/strategies/tech – whatever. On the other hand, by the time the day comes the burnout rages through the crowd and enthusiasm remains elusive. The purpose of this speech rests somewhere between inspiration, motivation, and exasperation. With the 1:1 technology implementation at the end of its first year, teachers are ready for a break. However, the theme of the event is transformation – not just using the tech in the classroom, but transforming the way we teach. As you can imagine, the audience ranges from the technology proficient to the technology resistant to the straight up technology noncompliant. After a year of mishaps, frustrations, network issues…and I am to bring them all together and motivate them to take the next step, now, on June 5th. (deep sigh)

Our superintendent went about 20 minutes long – I was immediately told to cut mine short, the tech did not work right away for the next presentation (the technology department), several others spoke briefly. It is unusual to have the DTOY speak at this event – so it was unexpected. I was the last one on the stage, just when the whole group thought they were out of there.

Here is what I said:

Simply, love the child.

Good morning. So, today is about transformation. Wow, that can be a scary word because that means change. And what do we know about change? I know change can be downright horrifying. It can be exciting. I know that sometimes trying to change the behaviors of others is like talking to a brick wall, right? We have all had those experiences.

But change from within – It takes effort. It takes risk. It takes perseverance. Change takes knowledge and learning, right? Well then – we’ve got this. Because I just describe the traits of every hard-working, life-long learning, stubborn teacher in this auditorium. We’ve got this – one step at time.

As you go through the next two days, feeling frazzled, overwhelmed, inspired, confused, enlightened, exhausted, satisfied, hopeful, and just plain tired…..just remember the reason you are here, the reason we are all here – and no I am not talking about your contractual obligation – I am talking about the child. We are here today and every day because we love the child. Now, I say child and not children because I want you to get a picture of one special child in your mind. That one child that you want to help or that you may have already helped. Take a moment to think about that one child you want so badly to reach – no matter how tired you are, no matter what new initiatives or new standards are thrown your way, no matter what extra duties you get at work or extra chores you get at home, no matter what the time or the date is – this child always stands out in your mind. This child may even haunt you. Maybe you had him in class this year or maybe you are already anticipating him for next year. Perhaps you taught this child years ago – but he still haunts you. Keep that child in your mind as you go through the next 2 days and gain your motivation to transform and learn from him. One step at time.

You know, it takes a lot of energy and commitment to transform these little cherubs into productive citizens – from pre K to senior year – and to get them across that stage every year. And I am moved to tears every single year at graduation. High school teachers in the district are required to go to graduation. We may grumble about this that or the other about this requirement, but when it comes right down to it – that is the prize – seeing that child walk across that stage – I wouldn’t trade that for anything. It is a shame that every teacher, at every feeder school does not get the opportunity to participate in graduation the way we do at the high school – to see that child cross the finish line. Now I am not recommending a change in policy – I am just trying to make a point. Each and every educator in this room had a hand in all of those success stories that I have had the privilege to witness and celebrate every year. So let me take a moment and say thank you. Thank you to all of you for giving me a better future. Thank you to all of you for transforming the child, that child in your mind, into a high school graduate and a productive member of our community – one step at a time.

So, over the next 2 days simply look within for your inspiration to change, to transform with this technology. You are all already able to inspire that transformation and change in the child. I believe the same power, the same energy will get you through these next two days and into the technology proficient classrooms of tomorrow – one step at a time. And if that can’t get you going, then just remember to simply love the child, as I know you do, and you will continue to accomplish great things. Thank you and have a great day.

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Please Pull Up To The Cone.

Each day on my morning drive I encounter three schools – elementary, middle, and high. My commute spans four to twelve minutes, depending on the parents in the other cars. The days of dropping off at the elementary school ended a few years ago. I will save those days for another post. Now, my youngest of three attends middle school. I drive her to school mostly because of her large Baritone Saxophone that she carries back and forth to band and home. Sometimes, it is so she can get there early to practice in the band room.

In the car circle at the middle school there is a very large, bright orange cone. The simple, well established rule that we all learn during the first weeks of the sixth grade – pull up to the cone. This very simple rule allows for the maximum number of cars to safely unload the precious little cherubs and keeps the line flowing at a tolerable pace. In the early part of the school year the administrator remains dutifully in the area, waving his arm, ensuring all parents learn the rule and all cars pull up to the cone. This complex pull to the orange cone system has been in play for years at the elementary school, as well. So this concept should not be a shocker to anyone.

As the school year progresses the arm waver begins to disappear, leaving parents on their own to follow the rule. Inevitably, parents fail to pull up to the orange cone in order to drop their own child off at the optimal point. To be honest – the arm waver never really deterred the determined parents. He served more as a reminder to those that try to do the right thing. Clearly, not pulling up to the orange cone slows down the line, backing it up into the street, forcing unsafe traffic maneuvers by those not dropping off, and, quite frankly, takes a little more time off my life. Rather than five or six cars unloading at once, only one or two let out their cargo before the line moves again. This is not a new phenomena – parents thinking that their kids are too special to have to walk the ten to fifteen more paces than a less deserving child (see the aforementioned orange cone at the elementary school).

So why do we have rules? Let’s go back to the basic of common courtesy. Rules allow a society to function and exist. At every school I see parents breaking the simple drop off rules for their particular school – and don’t even get me started on the chaos of daily pick up. These are likely the same parents that get the email or phone call home that their entitled child cheated or cut class or hurt another child or was insubordinate….and they immediately take the side of the child, failing to even consider the ideas of integrity or honesty or true consequence. Not only do these parents have the “not my child” attitude because they sit with blinders on, they also have the “my child is special and does not have to follow the rules attitude”. After all, the rules are for the “lessers”. Why should my child have to follow the rules? They see me break the rules for them daily. The rules clearly do not apply to us.

Similarly, why have rules in the house? So kids know how to function within the parameters of the rules of society. Life is not a free-for-all. By not setting reasonable boundaries for kids and leading by good example – parents are setting their kids up for failure (or to be jerks). True, there are successful liars and cheaters and jerks all over the world. Everything in life is a trade off and I suppose, once again, it depends on perspective…what it means to be successful. I want my kids to follow the rules, be considerate, have compassion. I want my children to show empathy, help others, and be courteous. I want my family to know love, security, and pride. I do not want my children to think that the world owes them something. I do not want my children to be entitled buttholes.

The demise of our society begins at not pulling up to the orange cone. We teach our children through our actions. We teach them humility and fairness, or we teach them entitlement. So I choose to pull up to the orange cone – every time – giant instrument and all. She will survive walking the extra fifteen paces carrying that thing. I promise. This is why I pull up to the orange cone, every time – because it is such a simple and courteous rule to follow, to model for my daughter. How could I expect my kids to follow the hard rules, if I can’t even follow such a simple one? Pulling up to the cone shows my daughter that she is not the center of the universe; she is not entitled to any special treatment. Choose to pull up to the orange cone – both literally and metaphorically – and teach children accountability, consideration, and humility.

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