high school – fields of poppies

Panama City Beach, Spring Break, and a Few Good Books

Friday, April 14, 2023

I love the sunlight on the water in the late afternoon.

I try to fold in a visit with my family when I come to Florida, I went a tiny bit further down the coast this time. No stopping in Destin, my regular go to. Just a little too much baggage to unpack during this vacation to add my brothers to my week. I do wish I could have spent some time with them, but oh how the relaxation of the salt air was desperately required! The water was crisp and clear and tumultuous and so healing.

While in the beach I read the book Verity by Colleen Hoover on the recommendation of one of my students. I am so glad I did! I used to read for pleasure every day before I went to bed. I have picked up so many books over the last few years and have not been able to focus enough to really read for enjoyment. Oh, how I have missed it. I cannot remember the last time I read a book I enjoyed so much, getting lost in so easily. When I was finished I really wanted to have a sit down with the characters and talk about some of their decisions! I have found my joy again. I immediately went to the local Walmart and bought 2 more titles by the same author. I’m already halfway through It Ends With Us. Life is good.

Spring Break…what can I say? I have enjoyed your company and now we must part ways – until next year.❤️

3 things: I am grateful for the white sandy beaches of the Panhandle that always soothe my soul; I am grateful for the opportunity and the space in my life to read for enjoyment again…to find my loves once again, to find ME again; I am grateful for this time called spring break that allows me, as a teacher, to find the strength and peace and patience to finish out the year strong.

Thank you for reading!

#gratitude #choosejoy #3things

The end of an era, a bit of acceptance, and a new beginning.

March 23, 2023

This past weekend I finally removed the remnant pieces of my once-amazing classroom. Covid-19 forced the teachers to remove all non-standard seating in our high school and go back to boring, impersonal, 100-year-old rows of desks. I kept the items of comfortable seating in a room close to mine that was once a place where teachers could eat lunch together. I had no other choice at the time. But, I held on to it all until now just hoping to make it back there one day. Sadly, the pieces have scattered and broken down in storage and I just don’t have it in me to go backward.

So, I finally got the gumption to commit to this idea of moving forward and removing all the old wooden pieces that we made together. I pulled up in a pickup on Sunday and loaded it all up.

It has been a difficult transition since the end of 2019 and the start of 2020 for me; the death of my father, an empty nest, 3 graduations, a new son-in-law, 2 new grandchildren, a devastating divorce, the loss of my home, 3 moves, 4 surgeries, a new house, oh yea – and COVID. (Not a comprehensive list, but rather rock solid overwhelming I would say.) Ridding my space of these old artifacts seemed like somewhat of a cleansing of all of that baggage, even if I do miss the old classroom.

Funny, I got through those years with a phrase from my mother’s dear friend, “just move forward with purpose. That’s all you can do.” And I did. And I do, now.

So, I come back to my classroom, day after day, and I still have so much that makes my room special to me – that makes it comfortable and inviting for my students; a place where they want to be. And today, as cheesy as it is, I still smiled at the boy who told me that I am what makes my classroom special. He’s right. I am. (Thank you for that, young man.)

Healing is hard work: surviving, recovering; letting go of dreams, ideals, and of actual things. Hard, hard work. It’s purposeful and mindful. It is hard, but it is good. I, am good.

I am grateful that my students remind me every day of my purpose, my value, and my direction. And I am mindful of that gratitude I carry in my heart, always.

In closing, my 3thing are: I am grateful for the end of an era; a bit of acceptance; and a new beginning. Thanks for reading.

I did not start this post thinking about it this way, but now that I am done I thought I would share with you the shirt that I created and sell on my new Etsy t-shirt shop, Char’s Heart. It’s part of that new beginning of which I spoke.

This is one of the shirts I made inspired by my experiences. Browse my shop. Every shirt has a story, however brief they may be. Thank you, again, for reading.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/charsheart

www.fieldsofpoppies.org

3 thing April 12 – 2nd day of spring break – I’d rather be at the beach!!

So, day 1 I got sinus surgery and it’s a 3-5 day recovery with 2 weeks of no strenuous activity. I did this over spring break so as not to miss more time in my classroom since the repeated sinus infections that knocked me out so bad doc gave me a Covid test every time, kept me from my job on multiple occasions. Then I got Covid!!! So it’s been a very rough school year.

So here is my list of gratitude I am grateful for the surgeon and health care professionals that did an amazing job of calming my nerves, healing my pain, and giving me tender and full attention. Special shout-out to Chris, the recovery nurse that was generous with the pain meds but more importantly, started singing I am woman…how did she know?

I am grateful to have people to surround me with their love and care as I recover at home.

I am grateful that I call tell the pressure behind my eyes – the one that made them feel like they would just explode out of my face – well, it’s gone. Praise God.

On another note…

I was called selfish and a bad teacher this week by another teacher. I was told I lacked commitment to my students and criticized how much school I had missed, my lessons and instruction. Although she has never been in my room. Nonetheless, it really hurt my feelings. She is a friend. No conversation, no asking me if I’m ok or why my absences have been so many. (See sinus story above).

Hmmmm chronic illness… Choosing to take care of my physical, or mental health for that matter, is not selfish. It’s called self-care.

I have accepted that she was having a bad day, is overwhelmed by her job, and chose to lash out at me. Perhaps even something personal going on as well. Teaching is hard and very demanding and we tend to ignore our own needs ALL THE TIME. So I repeat, self care is not selfish.

Basically? We had a misscommunication as I failed to receive information about a student. That prompted the unprofessional email. Anyway – I’m disappointed she was not made to apologize or did not do it on her own accord – as she also sent this to 2 administrators. I was told it was handled and now it’s a personnel issue and they can’t tell me anything. They printed my email of concern and put it in the file of this incident Total cop out.

I don’t want to reply to her attack in kind. I thought about bringing her flowers and just saying – something is clearly upsetting your life and I hope whatever it is gets better for you .. and give her the flowers. Be the bigger person and give her. Chance to apologize. She’s a teacher – she’s under too much stress – she snapped and had a target that morning and unfortunately it was me. I can empathize. But I can’t accept the personal attack. Standing up for yourself is a part of self care. I cannot let it go unnoticed. She is my friend. This could be just what SHE needs.

I am grateful that I have grown is gratitude, grace, and peace and I hope to continue to help others grow as well. You are never alone. Ask for help. Reach out – someone will reach back.

Have a great day everyone. And be kind to one another. You never know what their struggles are.

#gratitude #3things #choosejoy #selfcare #bekind

Batter up!

I just sat through the first scrimmage of our girls softball team for this season and boy was it cold! So, after coaching track and going on a run with my husband, the weather seemed tolerable enough – oh no — no, no. The lack of clothing on my body and the failure to stretch after my run, and the (what felt like) 20 degree drop – not a good combo – I have some tight muscles!

Anyway, I enjoy going to the sporting events of my students. I try so hard so go at least once every season to every sport. My goal is 2-3, but sometimes I just cannot make that happen.

As I looked at the softball team tonight I realized I either currently teach or have taught every girl on the team, by far the highest volume of students of any sport. And, although my fingers maintain little feeling still as I type this post – my pride for these girls knows no bounds. Although I left after 2 hours and they still had more game to play, at one point they were down zero to 7. They fought their way back to an 11-7 lead. Nothing makes me more certain that I am in the right place when I see young folks rise above and conquer. It had nothing to do with me – I was merely a spectator. But, boy it felt good to see them fight and find that success.

I do not know at this time if they won the game, but they definitely won my heart (too much?). Well it’s true – and I know that I am a big sap! If you get a chance to attend a sporting event at a local high school I encourage you to take it. These kids work tirelessly at their sport. We often hear comments like “this generation is so lazy”, “these kids are so entitled”, “no one wants to work for anything anymore”. But these kids go to school all day, maintain their grades with homework (sometimes hours), and practice every single day for 2 hours after school – not to mention friends, jobs and chores. And yes, I put friends on the list because, let’s face it, relationships of all kinds are work. These kids work hard. These kids have drive. I was so tired after work today…but then I just remembered how tired my students must be, too – and so I go and sit in the cold. Way to go girls!

***update – I wrote this a few days ago – the girls won the game. I have since been to a few more games and they continue to thrive! Go Canes!

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Dear Social Engineers:

Dear social engineers: Dear manipulative members of society and micromanaging social climbers:

According to Merriam-Webster, social engineering is simply “the practice of making laws or using other methods to influence public opinion and solve social problems or improve social conditions. [Also,] management of human beings in accordance with their place and function in society: applied social science. Simplified even further by Urban Dictionary.com – “the attempt to control social behavior”. And finally, on a digital security website we have “the art of manipulating people so they give up confidential information…exploiting your natural inclination to trust”. But, my personal favorite: “the art and science of human manipulation”. WOW.

I wonder how this very volatile phrase has morphed and has been trivialized to mean controlled and purposeful manipulation of a child’s life by a parent, as he or she tries to improve his or her own social status through the life, friends, and activities of the child.

While I appreciate that the human condition lends itself towards selfish behavior, wrapping others up in one’s own twisted reality of an imaginary hierarchical realm really depletes my life force. Fake friendships and phony smiles – simply exhausting. Please exclude me because I choose to be excluded, not because I have succumbed to the inane attempts to make me feel lesser. And while I understand the parental right to protect one’s child from hurtful relationships and detrimental environments, I will never reconcile the vicarious living that occurs through the lives of children by their parents as anything but sad. Furthermore, I do understand that society has classes and that in every scenario there is a pecking order. However, it seems the reality of the order, often disputed or unclear, remains abstract and truly unimportant when considering other human beings. As I teach in my classroom, I will continue to see individuals and not members of cliques. I will continue to exhaust myself to make the invisible child visible to all.

So please back up and look at the big picture. Please stop “managing human beings in accordance with” YOUR idea of THEIR place and function in YOUR life. If you want to bring about improved social conditions for everyone, your child included, simply treat the world and individuals in it as though they all matter. Please stop trying to micro-managing the lives of others and get one of your own. You will be a much happier person. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Everyone.

On another note…

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