This weekend I watched my friend of 23 years say goodby to her husband within 10 days of a cancer diagnosis. Total shock.
Experience, strength, and hope – these are the 3 things I am grateful for tonight as I put my head on my pillow, because they are what my friends, what my people, offer me to hold me up. And it’s usually provided with a bucket of faith. I am grateful for my health and my healing so that I can, in turn, hold up others.
So, day 1 I got sinus surgery and it’s a 3-5 day recovery with 2 weeks of no strenuous activity. I did this over spring break so as not to miss more time in my classroom since the repeated sinus infections that knocked me out so bad doc gave me a Covid test every time, kept me from my job on multiple occasions. Then I got Covid!!! So it’s been a very rough school year.
So here is my list of gratitude I am grateful for the surgeon and health care professionals that did an amazing job of calming my nerves, healing my pain, and giving me tender and full attention. Special shout-out to Chris, the recovery nurse that was generous with the pain meds but more importantly, started singing I am woman…how did she know?
I am grateful to have people to surround me with their love and care as I recover at home.
I am grateful that I call tell the pressure behind my eyes – the one that made them feel like they would just explode out of my face – well, it’s gone. Praise God.
On another note…
I was called selfish and a bad teacher this week by another teacher. I was told I lacked commitment to my students and criticized how much school I had missed, my lessons and instruction. Although she has never been in my room. Nonetheless, it really hurt my feelings. She is a friend. No conversation, no asking me if I’m ok or why my absences have been so many. (See sinus story above).
Hmmmm chronic illness… Choosing to take care of my physical, or mental health for that matter, is not selfish. It’s called self-care.
I have accepted that she was having a bad day, is overwhelmed by her job, and chose to lash out at me. Perhaps even something personal going on as well. Teaching is hard and very demanding and we tend to ignore our own needs ALL THE TIME. So I repeat, self care is not selfish.
Basically? We had a misscommunication as I failed to receive information about a student. That prompted the unprofessional email. Anyway – I’m disappointed she was not made to apologize or did not do it on her own accord – as she also sent this to 2 administrators. I was told it was handled and now it’s a personnel issue and they can’t tell me anything. They printed my email of concern and put it in the file of this incident Total cop out.
I don’t want to reply to her attack in kind. I thought about bringing her flowers and just saying – something is clearly upsetting your life and I hope whatever it is gets better for you .. and give her the flowers. Be the bigger person and give her. Chance to apologize. She’s a teacher – she’s under too much stress – she snapped and had a target that morning and unfortunately it was me. I can empathize. But I can’t accept the personal attack. Standing up for yourself is a part of self care. I cannot let it go unnoticed. She is my friend. This could be just what SHE needs.
I am grateful that I have grown is gratitude, grace, and peace and I hope to continue to help others grow as well. You are never alone. Ask for help. Reach out – someone will reach back.
Have a great day everyone. And be kind to one another. You never know what their struggles are.
Today. Hmmmm – today the Lord gave me breath and pushed me out of my bed. I am grateful. Today I had food to eat for breakfast and a car to drive to a job (after a hot shower and fresh clean clothes attained) I am grateful. Today my feelings were hurt. It’s was shocking and made me hide in the corner so as not to show my tears. I am grateful for the friend that stood and listened and the other friend who offered a hug – not because she heard us talking but because she could tell I was upset and she cares about me. I am grateful. I listened to a play with students who don’t like to read aloud. I am grateful for the actors who recorded the words. I went to my second job after a faculty meeting and I was grateful to have a colleague inquire as to my health and day, rather than just walk by saying nothing. I am grateful. I did my job and was told thank you for being here and I heard the genuine gratitude in her voice. I am grateful. I got to enjoy a lovely dinner out with a lovely friend who shares many experiences with me. I am grateful God allowed us to find one another in all this chaos. My son called me. I am grateful. My daughter called me. I am grateful. I worry about the person who hurt my feelings today, who lashed out irrationally and unprovoked. I will pray for her tonight and I am grateful that it is my choice to decide how this will affect me. Don’t get me wrong, it hurts and it ruined my day because until now I thought this person was my friend. I believe she still is but perhaps needs some grace and prayer. I am grateful that I have the power and strength to give her mine, my grace and prayer. I’m in my bed now. I’m grateful for the comfort of my pillow for it has been a difficult and long day. I am grateful for my life. For my mistakes. For my loves. For my losses. For my wins – I am grateful for me. Finally, I am grateful for the medicine I take at night that keeps me healthy. This world is so crazy – speak your gratitude.
Today I found some treasures in a box that has not been opened in a long time. Boxes full of memories really can help to remind you who you are and who you’ve always been no matter what kind of crazy enters your life. It was very comforting and for that I am grateful; I asked my juniors to draw and color a scene from their book club book. They all loved it and some turned out some amazing images. We laughed, they relaxed and talk about their books, and we spoke about the mental health benefits of coloring or creating and I am grateful we had this time together; I am grateful for my safe arrival in Augusta to babysit this weekend and extra grateful that my soon to be 21 year old son came to play, too. #choosejoy #gratitude #3things #getyourowndamninsuramce
I am grateful for my big brother. I really needed a parent tonight and he was a nice one talk to; I am grateful for laughter; I am grateful for chocolate cover cream filled donuts. #choosejoy #gratitude #3things
Today’s 3 things: I am grateful it is Friday and am still alive – what a week; I am trying so hard to be grateful for the patience Hod is trying to teach me…I learned yesterday my final order will be at least another 2-3 weeks. He’s trying to show me how to let go and let Him and I am really, really, really trying. seriously; I am grateful for my brain. I often rely on my intellect when I should rely on my spirituality but I am still grateful for brain that God gave me!
I have been really trying to focus on my mental health and healthy thoughts these past few weeks. It has been a real challenge. Hence – no daily posts.
I went to court on Feb 3rd and 4th after trying to negotiate my divorce for 2 and a half years with a person who lives in his own reality. That’s all I’ll say about him now – you’ll have to buy the book. I did not know the judge would take so long to make the final order…we are still waiting. Sooooo long.
“Beware the Ides of March” from Julius Caesar is in my head today. For those who don’t know – it’s when he is betrayed and stabbed to death. No, I don’t expect to be stabbed today – but I have already been betrayed, so there’s that.
It’s just that waiting for weeks upon weeks for a simple email to finally show up to officially end my 30 year relationship with a man I loved who stopped speaking to me even before I ever chose to leave for reasons I will never know or understand….well, it’s torturous. I don’t wish it on anyone. I truly wish the replay button in my head would malfunction.
Still, in my confusion and angst today I try to find my 3 things: I am grateful for all that I have and for God’s daily blessings. He is providing me with all that I need to heal – especially faith; I am grateful for my children and grand children – family and love – it’s why we are on this earth. I am sorry my husband could not see that; I am grateful that I am beginning to see my true potential. As I mentioned yesterday – it’s amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t have someone always telling you that you can’t, making you feel less than so he can feel more than. Just amazing.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and find joy and love with and in those around you. Support the ones you love and give lots of hugs….don’t ever be the first one to let go – fill their love bucket! They will let go once it’s filled. ❤️
March 6, 2022. Tomorrow would be my daddy’s birthday. Well, I guess it still is, but when your lives one isn’t here it just seems like it “used to be” their birthday. Anyway – I am grateful for the time I had with him and that he could type. Typing sent him to the Pentagon and NOT to Vietnam. He met my mom at the Pentagon – cool; I am grateful for the weekend I just had with my grands but even more grateful that we aren’t all huddled underground somewhere wondering if the rest of family was alive or dead, wondering if I’ll ever see my home again. I pray for the people of Ukraine and all they have lost and all that lies ahead of them; I am grateful I am free and I’m sorry, I don’t care how much my gas costs. I have a car, I have a job, I have a healthy family and a home that will not be bombed tonight. I am warm and safe. Yes, the cost of gas will make it harder on the budget, and so does the rising cost of food. But I have choices – and for that I am extraordinarily grateful. #choosejoy #3things #gratitude