The rain just keeps coming. It’s a slow soaking which I know our ground needs but our spirits have had enough of it. I am grateful for the shelter of my home and for the knowledge that my loved ones are also.
Due to my health and recent move I decided not to put a tree up this year. The Christmas decorations are minimal and I have not even a wreath on my door. I am grateful for all of people in the world who decorate their homes for people like me to enjoy when we just cannot rise to the occasion.
I had a wonderfully relaxing yet productive weekend. The house is shaping up. The freedom I feel to do what I want to it is like no other feeling I have ever felt. Perhaps one day I will find the words. But for now, I am grateful that my home is my special place – not a beach or a mountain – my home.
Bringing the year to a close always brings reflection when you have a growth mindset. It’s been quite a month and I can only reflect on that right now and not on all the other major changes 2022 has brought upon me.
My entry with very light holiday decor.
I am grateful that my daughter, Alexis, and my granddaughters were able to come and stay in my new home with me for a few days this week. It’s the first time ever. She was exhausted and has a lot on her plate but God no doubt guides her relentlessly down a path of joy. During her stay I was able to get the news in person that I am going to be a grandma again. I also witnessed her telling her siblings. I smiled from ear to ear as the screams and cheers assaulted her, and as they all hugged and shared in the excitement and expectation of another Wallace in the clan. Pure joy. Pure love.
I am grateful that my house was a home ready to receive my children during this holiday of gratitude and I would not have been able to do it without my boyfriend, Steven. As I have been recovering from surgery since November 2, he has made my vision for my home a reality. He has the tenacity and drive equal to 3 men and the heart of 100. This was the first gathering at my new house with all of my children and after the last 4 years I needed to provide them a home. I needed it. Me. Not an apartment I escaped to and turned into a home – but a bed and room for each and every member of our clan so the we CAN come together in one place. Without Steve, I probably would have had to wait another year to satisfy my need to provide. He hung shelves, and painted, and probably moved everything I own about 3 times…all while being my nurse maid as I rang a bell from my bed when I needed something (his idea). I still have a lot I would like to do in my new home, and to my new home. However, every single one of my children told me in their own way, with all sincerity, that they felt like they were, in fact, home. **and her heart grew 3 sizes that day. So, if it isn’t clear – I am so very grateful for the love of this man and his dedication to me and my children. Pure joy. Pure love.
I am grateful for the spirit of the holiday. I used to shop with my mother on this day. I loved being with her and seeing all the holiday decorations. They didn’t come out quite so early 30 years ago. Often I hadn’t seen any until this shopping trip. I no longer enjoy Black Friday shopping – why when you can do it online? Oh, but the decorations! Social media showed us that so many folks felt the need to justify putting up their tree very early this year – like they needed the spirit to touch them quickly and sooner rather than later. I thought “wow, seems like a lot of folks need some positive mojo”. Oddly, it brought me joy to know that their decorations bring them what they need the most sometimes. You know…just simple joy. Now I love going to the stores and seeing the early decorations out before Halloween passes. I don’t have to wait for Black Friday and I don’t have to rush them out in my own home. There is just something about red and white, glitter, ribbon and bows, that take me back to those early mornings with my mother – that day was our day..No brothers. But now, I can put out the simplest decor (don’t get me wrong – my decor is usually so invasive it looks like Christmas threw up) and feel the spirit and over and over, reconnect with the joy between me my mother on that day. And it’s a good thing, too. I’d hate to have to tell Steve – ok now take it all down and box it up – it’s time for Christmas! But you know what is also so awesome? He would just smile and if it makes you happy, I’ll do it. Pure love. Pure joy.
I am so grateful for open and honest conversations. Communication makes or breaks any relationship. Clarity; I am grateful that my surgery went very well yesterday (outpatient- nothing major). But I woke up and came home. Whew; I am grateful for this hot cup of coffee I’m having with my boyfriend this morning. #choosejoy #things #gratitude
I am grateful to have my kitchen unpacked and I am looking forward to my first batch of chocolate chip cookies; I am grateful the pile of of empty boxes outside my back door from all the other things I have unpacked in the last week; I am grateful that tomorrow I get to keep going and keep working at making this my home, a home like no other – my refuge and my safe place. All mine. #choosejoy #3things #gratitude #homesweethome”
I’m not going to be a total Debbie Downer, but I can’t let this day go by and not acknowledge that it is the day I convinced my mother to go into the hospital after a fall down the stairs. She had been in bed for the week with “the flu” but we were afraid she had had a stroke. Well – she never came home. Sadly, she died 10 weeks later. 10 weeks of agony with no diagnosis and incompetent medical care. The doctors asked for an autopsy bc they had no idea what killed her. Turns out God just didn’t want them to find the cancer that invaded every organ and every gland…her brain… her spinal cord. Her soul.
It was just supposed to be for a test…
I was 22 and a single parent. She was 49 and my whole life. Just gone.
I’m now 53. 3 kids, 2 grandkids, and a full life. She gave me so much. I miss her all the time and wish she could see my kids – my angels. I know most people feel this way about their lost parents. I’m not unique.
So, on to the good stuff. I am grateful that I had 22 years with a woman who taught me acceptance, passion, integrity, unconditional love, authenticity, and persistence…ok stubbornness; I am grateful to have had a wonderful model to show me how to be the mother I wanted to be; I am grateful for the perfectly imperfect world in which I live and learn grace daily. #gratitude #3things #choosejoy #restinpeacebigA
I am grateful I made it to the gas station before I ran out of gas; I am grateful I had money to put gas in my car; I’m grateful I have a reliable car that can take me wherever I want to go. #choosejoy #gratitude #3things
Today I am grateful to find peace where I once was troubled; today I am grateful to be settling into my new home – purchased by me and no one else; today I am grateful for all of the women who came before me that made it possible for me to get a mortgage without the signature of a spouse or a father. #choosejoy #3things #gratitude #empowered
Today’s 3 things: the written word; the gift of memories; hot coffee.
This morning is Pj day at school for spirit week. This means I have found myself with a few extra minutes this morning. I have spent this time reading through some of my drafts from as far back as 2016. Some unfinished, some just unpublished, and some, ultimately, too painful to share at the time. As I look back at some of my words – published or unpublished – I see a rushed life trying to slow down, caught in the vicious cycle of daily living and the struggle to make sense of the world. My coffee warms me as I read. And the reading makes me realize that no matter we’re I’ve been, I am right where I am supposed to be today. Of this I have no doubt and that brings me great peace. #gratitude #3things #choosejoy
Well, I guess it’s obvious that school has started back since it’s been over a month since I posted. Physical therapy after my ACL surgery and trying to buy a house…all the things that I am grateful for certainly keep me busy these days!
I am grateful for the sunshine and warm air.
I am grateful for my mobility as it returns. Oh how I have missed you!
I am grateful for late night, left over pizza and garlic butter;
Yummy
I am very grateful for this streaming ice machine thingy that goes through my current brace- it is very soothing (as is the pizza, if I’m being honest);
I am grateful for my amazing friend and her timely, post-it note worthy words “we can hold space for many feelings at once”.
Hoping I have all that I need to fill the cups of those who cross my path during this school year.
fields of poppies 